Death of a Hero
by ItestedGarrus'Reach
Summary: Post ME3. Continuation of "Not Alone" posted on ItookAlistairsCherry profile. Destroy ending. Shepard survives the war but now must survive the gult of the decisions she's made. Can Garrus save her again or will Kaiden finally get her back? Rated M for future chapters.
1. Far From Home

Ch.1

Far from home

_The war is over..._

Garrus stood in front of the Normandy memorial, hands shaking, and an ocean of emotions threatening to burst out. His heart was shattered. He was happy the war was over yet he couldn't stop mourning. The faces of everyone he would never see again circled in his mind. The sensation of Shepard's skin against him was still so fresh. He couldn't process the thought he'd never feel it again. In so many ways he wished he'd stayed with her. At least he would've died by her side.

_I'll always love you._

Her last words lingered in his mind as he dragged himself to the main battery. There was work to do. Calibrations...

_Can it wait a moment..._

Regret overcame him as he remembered all those times he turned her away. He should've cherished all the time he could with her. All the places he's been, everything he's seen, only when he was with her did he feel like he was worth something. He'd found a home. So why did he let her go by herself? He should've fought harder to stay by her side.

_You're afraid daddy's gun collection will scare him?_

_No. I'm afraid he'll like it too much._

A million shattered dreams now lay at his feet. All he could think of during the battle was staying alive for her. He should've thought of protecting her instead.

_Theres no Shepard without Vakarian._

There's no Vakarian without Shepard either.

Garrus was breaking down. He clutched his armor and started ripping it off. It was getting hard to breath. The adrenaline was wearing down and his body began to ache. Holding on to the console his body began to collapse. A low growl formed in his throat and for the first time in years the tears streamed down his face.

Garrus woke up in the med bay. He felt like a Mako had run him over a dozen times. Technically one had exploded next to him. Same difference.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Chakwas walked towards him and scanned him with her omni-tool.

_That's a stupid question..._

"I've been better..." Slowly he shifted his body to the edge of the bed. He needed to leave.

"Please don't get up. Your body is exhausted."

Garrus ignored the doctor and sat up anyways. Big mistake. His head felt like it was splitting and whatever was in his stomach came up in a gush. It took a few seconds to regain his bearings but he managed to stand up. The doctor pleaded he stay in bed but her pleas fell in deaf ears as the turian stumbled out the med bay.

The elevator was eerily silent. The metal felt cool on his face as he leaned on the wall to keep his balance. He needed to see her. Feel her presence somehow. Anger filled his body as the elevator doors opened and he saw Kaiden staring at the commander's cabins door. The biotic reached up and placed his hand on the door.

"I keep imagining the commander coming out to tell me I shouldn't be up this late..."

"What are you doing here Kaiden?" Garrus moved in between him and the door. As if he was trying to protect the room behind it.

"I loved her too..."

His comment angered him. It's true he had her before but it was him he chose to spend the rest of her life with. However short it might have been. A growl formed in his throat as and his talons formed into fists.

"I'm sorry, Garrus." Kaiden placed his hand on his shoulder and left.

For two days Garrus dwelled inside the commander's room. Shuffling the items on her desk and smelling the pillows on her bed. He wanted to feel like she was still with him. His body was tired and he finally gave up and sat on the bed. He tried tuning in to Shepards omni-tool frequency but all he heard was static. Was she really gone? Garrus leaned back and closed his eyes.

...Bzzzzzzttkkkkkkkk...garrus...bzzzzzttttttzzz...

Garrus slowly opened his eyes. He looked around and remembered where he was.

...Garrus...

He slowly sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees.

_I must be losing it._

...Bzzzzzttt...Garrus...bzzzzztttt...

Garrus looked around trying to locate the noise. Static. He must have left his com on.

...Garrus... Help... Bzzzzzzttttkkkrrrr...

Garrus started to shake. He must really be losing it. He could swear he heard Shepard's voice over the static.

_I need to eat something soon. I'm hallucinating._

Garrus' thoughts were broken when he heard Liara at the door.

"Garrus! The Normandy just recieved a homing signal. It's coming from the Commanders omni-tool!"

Garrus took a few seconds to process the asari's words. As quickly as he could he got up and ran to the elevator. Perhaps he wasn't too far from home.

A/N: Please bear with me as I write this. I haven't written in a long time and I have a tendancy to rush when I write. I am slowing down this time so that I don't lose focus of what I'm trying to portray. Reviews welcome. Song I used to inspire this was "Far From Home" by Five Finger Death Punch.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and characters belong to Bioware.


	2. I am Only One

Death of a Hero

Ch. 2

I am Only One

Shepard stood atop the Citadel, the fate of the galaxy in her hand. Her mind raced and her heart pounded like never before. Four choices had been presented upon her, each one just as bad as the previous. To control the reapers, she would lose herself and everyone she knew.

"_Control is a means for survival… "_

That might be true, however, she had not come all this way to lose everything she had.

To combine DNA with synthetics. She thought about this for longer than she would have wanted. She thought about EDI and Joker. Perhaps that was the best choice, a way for everyone to survive, everyone but her. She wasn't afraid of dying, in fact she welcomed it. She had already died once and she would die again for her loved ones but for some reason this didn't seem like the right one. Images of Saren crossed her mind.

"_The relationship is symbiotic. The strengths of both, the weaknesses of neither! I am a vision of the future Shepard, the evolution of all organic life!"_

For years all she had been working for was destroying the reapers. Why would she consider anything else? Guilt stabbed at her gut. Could she really be that selfish and commit genocide just so that there wasn't a chance this was a trick? Perhaps Anderson was the one who was correct.

"_Destroy them or they destroy us!"_

After all that she had endured, everything she had lost, all the she had become, she was still only one. The weight of the galaxy was unbearable on her shoulders. It is true she had the support of her crew, the love of a wonderful turian, but a decision like this shouldn't have fallen on the hands of one broken soldier. Could she really be trusted? Perhaps she should deny all of the star childs options. Let the extinction continue and let the next cycle deal with the reapers. She was tired.

After a couple of minutes of pondering her choices, Shepard snapped back to the reality that every second she hesitated people where dying. She inhaled and as she released the breath she laid her dreams to rest. They were now simply ghosts keeping her in motion. There would be no happily ever after for her no matter what choice she made. Slowly she withdrew her gun limped toward the ramp that would determine the fate of the galaxy. Her head filled with images of Anderson and all those she had lost and was going to lose . Thane, Mordin, Ashley, Wrex, Urdnot Bakara, EDI, Legion, Garrus… Her pace picked up as she reached her destination. She was alone now, no one else was left to be the hero. She knew this fairy tale was not going to have a happy ending for everyone.

The heat of the explosion ripped through her armor. She felt as if she was imploding. Death was about to claim her yet once again. Only this time no one would be able to revive her. She didn't want them too. She had had enough, two lifetimes to be exact. Her death would give her time and make all the pain disappear.

Shepard lay motionless under the rubble. The air was thick and she could taste blood. Every inch of her was in pain. Even breathing sent a stabbing pain across her body. Why had she survived? She shouldn't be alive. She didn't want to be alive. The ghosts of everyone she had failed to save had haunted her long enough. As her head spinned new thoughts came to her. Had the Normandy made it out of Earth safely? Was her crew alive? Was Garrus alive?

Dawn was slowing creeping up the horizon. The taste of blood was slowly disappearing as her senses were becoming numb. She could honestly say she was relived she was finally dying. All those fans of hers that thought her immortal would sure be surprised. Still, she couldn't help but fantasize that if she closed her eyes and opened them again she would wake up and it would've all have been a really fucked up dream.

"_If you had the chance to start all over, to be away from all of this, would you?"_

Garrus had asked her this once. At the time she had answered him "No." Now she wasn't too sure. Maybe if she had gone to college instead of joining the service she wouldn't be lying there the broken, dying woman she was. The Alliance had taken so much already. She wouldn't have had to endure Akuze, the death of Ashley, and she wouldn't have met Garrus. The memories and thoughts were beginning to fade into darkness. She took a deep breath and laughed one last time at how stupid she was for wishing her life was different. There was no going back. This was her life, and now, this was her death.

A/N: Short chapters I know, as I said, I don't want to rush. Song used to inspire this chapter was "I am Only One" by We are the Fallen.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and characters belong to Bioware.


	3. Unknown Soldier

Death of a Hero

Ch. 3

Unknown Soldier

The Normandy was a marvel of engineering, the best in its class. This, however, did not mean it could travel any faster to get to Earth. A 3 weeks ago the Normandy had received a signal from its former commanders Omni-tool, a beacon of hope for her friends still aboard. When the destruction of the Citadel was progressing, Joker had managed to get past the Charon relay. The blast emitting from the core had propelled them into an uncharted world several relays away. It had taken those 3 weeks to get the Normandy back in the air and Garrus was losing his mind. Every second they floated out in space the chances he'd ever see the commander again were growing slimmer. There were a number of things that could go wrong and he needed to get to Shepard as soon as possible.

"_Garrus we cannot travel any faster. The relays are damaged and it will take at least 5 months to get them working again. I understand how you must be feeling. I want to find the Commander as well, but we must be patient. It would take decades to reach Earth without the relays."_

What did that asari know? She had no idea how he felt right now. Even with all her resources she hadn't managed to locate Shepard. Some Shadow Broker she was. She had, however, managed to locate Kaiden. Whilst the Normandy had to make frequent stops for repairs and refuels, Kaiden had used his Spectre status to transfer to another ship during their first refuel. Garrus was starting to regret resigning as a Spectre when Shepard had been detained. He was a good 2 weeks ahead of them.

_Won't make a damn difference. He's still months away from Earth._

_101010101010101010101010_

Kaiden was lying in his bunk when a beep from his Omni-tool startled him. He'd been traveling aboard several cruisers for 2 months.

"Kaiden? Are you there?" The face of an asari appeared a top his Omni-tool.

"Hey Liara, any news?" The biotic rubbed at his temples trying to relieve the migraine that had been forming for the past 30 minutes.

"I have information that several relays have been repaired. We're still 2 weeks away from the nearest relay but I believe you should be able to reach a secondary relay in a few days. I've transmitted the coordinates where the beacon was activated. I pray to the Goddess she's still alive."

"The commander is alive. I can feel it. By now all the survivors have been retrieved and placed in care centers. As soon as I reach Earth I'll use everything I have to locate her." The biotic smiled and the asari's hologram disappeared.

_God please let her be alive. I can't lose her again._

_101010101010101010101_

Earth was still in crumbles. As much as they had been repairing, the area he was in seemed fresh from the war. He was at "ground zero." The area that had been affected the greatest by the blast and the landing zone for the remains of the Citadel. It had been removed not a few days earlier. Kaiden looked around and his heart started to pound. Somewhere in this rubble the commander had been lying in pain. He bent down and picked up a rock.

_Hard to believe this is London. _

"There isn't anything left." Kaiden jumped up and on instinct pulled out his pistol.

"Hey man! Calm down!" A boy of about 15 stood in front of the Spectre with his hands up.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that. It's a good way of getting killed." The boy lowered his hands as the biotic holstered his pistol.

"What were you saying?" Kaiden turned and tossed the rock he had been holding.

"I meant that there isn't anything left around. Scavengers picked the area clean, even before they took the bodies. I told them not to, that they should respect the soldiers that just gave their lives to save them, but I'm just a kid so they didn't listen." Kaiden flinched as the boy continued to tell him how they would strip the bodies of armor and equipment. It disgusted him how there could be people without any morals. How could they think about making profit from the deaths of those who served to save them? Sometimes he thought the reapers had the right idea.

"Isn't it a little too dangerous for you to be out here alone? This is still a disaster area. Where are your parents?" The kid frowned at the question.

"They died. One of those husk things dragged my mom away and my dad died trying to keep one off of me and my sister. We ran and hid under a turned over truck." The kid seemed relatively calm about the whole thing.

Kaiden's omni tool beeped and he realized that it had started getting late. He still needed to contact all the hospitals and care centers. Liara had given him a good start but he still needed to do all the foot work.

"It was nice talking to you kid, but I gotta go. I'm looking for someone. You should go home."

"I don't have one. Hey can I come with you?"

"Sorry kid. I'm here on important business." Kaiden turned and started walking towards his skycar. As he opened his door a rock flung past his shoulder and hit his window. Kaiden turned around and saw the boy running towards him.

"Sorry! I meant for that to go the other direction." As the boy neared him he picked up the rock next to the older man's feet using biotics and flung it in the opposite direction.

"I still can't get the hang of this. Sorry."

"You're a biotic?" Kaiden got closer to the boy. The boy seemed to have become frightened and he started walking back.

"Are you going to take me away like my sister?" The boys eyes were wide with fear.

"What? No. Why would I? Who took your sister?" Kaiden stepped closer to the boy as he took another step back.

"Some men came to the care center we were in and took several children. They took my sister. I think they were looking for kids with biotics." Kaiden began to wonder if this was the beginning of another war or if it was simple coincidence.

"Why don't you come with me? I could use some company while I look for my friend. I bet you're hungry. My name is Kaiden by the way." Kaiden extended his hand and the boy took it.

"Steven. And yes, I am very hungry."

10101010101010101010110

Kaiden walked in to the third facility that day. The previous two had been filled with nothing but civilians. There was some semblance of hope there. Many alliance soldiers, even some turians, had been transferred to that facility and he was hoping one of their wounded was the commander. As he walked through the halls the medical director explained to him that they still had many Jane and John Doe's. Many had been badly injured and had not made it. Some were waiting for relatives to come for them and many were still comatose. The director took Kaiden to the ward where all the unidentified soldiers where. No dog tags and their injuries were too severe to perform a face recognition scan. Many were badly burned and a few were missing limbs.

"Have you performed any bio-identity scans?" Kaiden walked between the beds of the injured hoping he would recognize a face.

"We have. Unfortunately our systems haven't fully recovered and with the mass amount of casualties the systems are overloaded with identification information and requests by family members looking for their loved ones."

"May I look through them, please?" The doctor led Kaiden to his office and handed him a data pad containing the few names they had managed to recover. He looked through the list of casualties. Every name contained some summary of injuries and identification. As the doctor had said, many where unknown soldiers. It was saddening to think that a lot of these people who gave their lives in the war would never get the recognition they deserved. Looking through the list of the living Jane Doe's, one of the files caught his attention.

Jane Doe

Sex: F

Age: 30-36

Height: 5'8"

Weight: 136 lbs

Notes: Patient brought in with extensive head injuries. 3rd degree burns on body. Loss of left limb. Heavy internal bleeding. Recovered from underneath rubble. AED used on site. No armor, omni tool or identification on self. Possible victim of scavangers. Upon examination patient shows signs of extensive synthetic reconstruction. Left limb lost was 100% synthetic. Recovered at scene. Biotic Amp indicates patient is biotic. Biotic amp burned. Unable to retrieve serial number for identification. Unable to compile face scan identification due to 3rd degree burns on face. Patient must be under sedatives. Prone to violent outbursts when conscious. Psychological evaluation needed to determine degree of PTSD. Transfer to London University Medical pending. Update: Patient stable for bio-scan. Proceed as necessary.

Kaiden's heart skipped a beat. This had to be her. The extensive synthetic reconstruction, the biotics, her height and weight.

"This woman, I think this is the person I am looking for. Can I see her?" Kaiden was shaking. The doctor took the data pad from his hand and asked the biotic to follow him. They entered an isolated room towards the middle of the hallway. As Kaiden laid eyes on the woman strapped in the bed his stomach felt sick. She looked half dead. There were bloody bandages on her face and there were extensive tubes going in and out of her body. Was this what she looked like the first time Cerberus brought her back? Kaiden urged the doctor to perform the bio scan as quickly as he could. He wanted to make sure this was really Shepard so that he could get her out of there and get her into a proper hospital.

Several minutes passed by and the doctor came in. The expression on his face worried him.

"You say you're looking for Jane Shepard? As in THE Jane Shepard?" Kaiden nodded.

"Well I'm sorry. This isn't who you're looking for. If this were THE Jane Shepard I'm sure we would've known. It's not every day we get to treat a hero." Kaiden's heart sunk to the bottom of his stomach. He was sure this was her. What are the odds that someone else fit into her profile like that. Kaiden stood and took one last look at the woman in the bed before he left.

Kaiden sat in the bed of his hotel room looking over all the files he had gathered from the places he had visited. It had been a week of searching and every place he visited had been a dead end. The casualties were beginning to take up more and more space in his data pad. He started to wonder if he would find her in one of those lists instead. At least he would get some peace of mind.

"So have you found your friend?" The boy on his couch broke his thoughts. Kaiden tossed the data pad and turned to look at the boy in silence.

"No." He placed his elbows on his knees and rested his head on his hands. "Hey I should probably get you somewhere where they can find you a home. You can't hang out here all the time. I really don't have time to babysit you." Kaiden sounded a little harsher than he had intended.

"I'm not a kid! You don't need to babysit me! Besides, I only hang out here 'cause you said you could teach me how to use my biotics, which you haven't by the way." Kaiden laughed at his outburst.

"Yeah, sorry. I haven't had much time. I just really need to find her. It's driving me crazy not to know where she is or if she's even alive." Kaiden leaned back and placed his arms behind his head.

"She your girlfriend or somethin'?" Kaiden smiled. He wished. She had her and lost her and here he was looking for her again. He remembered how he wasn't there for her when she had fallen and how angry he had gotten to know that Garrus had been the one to bring her back. It should've been him. He should've been the one that she trusted and he should've never rejected her on Horizon. But if the world was made out of what-ifs then nothing would have ever gotten done and humans would still be walking around in loin cloths.

"So this woman you thought was your friend turned out to be some woman named Miranda Halsey?"

Kaiden's thoughts were interrupted with a sudden realization from the boys' question. A couple years ago Garrus had changed her bio identity to keep her safe in the citadel. Kaiden mentally kicked himself as he grabbed his coat and rushed out the door.

A/N: I introduced the boy for a purpose. Be patient. Every story needs a conflict and this will have several. If you are beginning to get confused you need to read "Not Alone" by ItookAlistairsCherry. The story and profile are under my favorite list. It's a story that I wrote along with my friend. That style of writing is different because my friend wrote it. I just threw the ideas at her. Like literally I wrote them on paper and tossed them at her. I did some research on the relays and there isn't much to go on as far as how badly they were damaged and how long it would take to fix them. I did a lot of reading on FTL speeds and from all the fancy words I took that it would take years to travel to Earth. I am doing research for this story because I want to get the emotional portions of the story right. I have a bunch of scraps of paper with notes for my story and I'm trying to piece them together. Thanks for reading Here's an internet cookie

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and characters belong to Bioware.


	4. Awake and Alive

Death of a Hero

Ch.4

Awake and Alive

Jane Shepard was alive. She had proven once again that she was a survivor, she survived Mindoir, she survived Akuze, she survived Reaper debris falling on her, she survived, rather, revived, getting spaced and atmospheric re-entry on Alchera, she survived the Omega-4 relay, and she survived the war with the Reapers. But why should she be alive when so many others had died. Jane Shepard was a survivor. She wouldn't die. And when she did, she didn't.

Dust formed around the shuffling feet of the medical crew running around the field of debris. For a brief second her senses awoke. A cacophony of death crept into her ears. A couple of men stood next to her, scanning her body with an Omni tool.

_This one is still alive! Hurry! We're losing her!_

A man knelt down beside her and placed a couple of patches on her chest. His hands felt cold on her skin. Where was her armor? Had it burned out during her decent?

_One – Two – Clear!_

Her limp body jolted as a surge of electricity passed through her core.

_Again! One – Two – Clear!_

This time a splitting pain crossed her body causing her eyes to open and a guttural scream to escape her lips before she once again collapsed.

_Her skin felt cold as she slowly ran across the field of trees. The air around was thick and smelled of death. Oily shadows passed through her and for each one an unrecognizable face took form. It seemed oddly familiar. As if she had had this dream before. Faces of people she couldn't recognize accused her. Pointed and remarked on how she had failed to save them. A drell, a krogan, a salarian, and a human female. Why would she have to save them? She was no one. She felt like no one. She walked towards them and one by one they began to burn. Their faces melted and the echoes of their accusations rang in her ears. Shepard… Shepard… Who is that? Is that me? I don't want to be the cause of their deaths. I don't want to be anyone. _

Needles and scalpels entered and exited the commander's body. The hours spent on stabilizing her felt like a few minutes in her mind, the mind that was battling itself with images of death and loss. She didn't want to be the person that let innocents die while she was out playing hero. She didn't want to be the one that committed genocide not once but 3 times. Her mind was breaking. Images of her last battle were playing in her mind like a video clip stuck on loop. Bodies of soldiers in piles around her, explosions in the distance and the smell of blood in the air.

The sound of beeping woke the commander. She could feel her body burning and the flow of liquids in her arm. She looked to her left and saw her arm was missing. Panic arose and her body started to shake. The beeping of the machines around her sounded like the screams of marines dying around her. With her good hand she ripped the bandages of her face and pulled all the tubes from her arms. She felt trapped. She needed to get out, away from the enemy. Where was her pistol? She looked around and found nothing. An alarm went off that in Shepard's mind sounded like an explosion. She ducked for cover searching for anything she could use as a weapon. Three men ran into her room and tried restraining her. To their misfortune she was a biotic and she easily lifted all three of them with a Singularity. She made her way to the door and the medical staff around her scurried out of the way as she ran past them.

In her mind, Jane ran past a mob of husks. They wanted to keep her from reaching her destination. She needed to get to that beam. She needed to end the war. For her loved ones. Another husk tried to grab her but she punched it and threw a warp at it sending it flying into the overturned MAKO next to her. Her body was tired but she knew she had to push herself to the limit. Across the field she saw a Marauder blocking her way to the beam. As she was readying her warp her body got heavy and collapsed to the floor. Two husks had taken her down and she was losing consciousness. She had failed to save the galaxy.

The medical staff had to take extra precautions with the biotic in their ward. By the looks of it she was suffering from severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Whatever it was she had experienced was not letting her go. Sedatives were injected into her and she was taken to an isolated room in the ward.

_Keep her sedated until she's transferred. This one is gonna be a bad one._

Was she Awake? Was she even alive? The sedatives kept her still but her mind was racing. Dreams, or memories, plagued her mind every second of every day. Her senses only awoke long enough to notice a man exiting the room. He seemed to have been disappointed. Did this man know who she was? She wanted to see him again. Perhaps he could tell her why she had survived and why all those nameless faces accused her of being someone she wasn't.

A/N: After so much that has happened to Shepard, is there any doubt that she would have severe PTSD? I have come to know several people with PTSD when they came home from Afghanistan. Now imagine how it would be for a Colonist, Sole Survivor Shepard? I have been doing research on PTSD so that I can portray the emotional drain it has on my Shepard. Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and characters belong to Bioware.


	5. Will You Still Love Me in the Morning?

Death of a Hero

Ch. 5

Will You Still Love Me in the Morning?

The corridors of the Normandy bustled with life as it prepared for dock. The majority of the crew had not heard from their families in nearly a year and all were eager to establish communication. Garrus could relate. He had been restless since Liara gave him the news that Kaiden had found Shepard. As much as the man irritated him, he was useful. Garrus packed the last of his belongings and headed for the air lock.

_Sheesh. You'd think these humans had never seen a turian before._

Garrus could feel the stares he was receiving as he made his way down the human hospital's corridors. A whirlwind of emotions was messing with his balance as he stumbled towards the room marked with her name, rather, her fake name. As he opened the door a low growl formed in his throat. Kaiden was sitting next to Shepard's bed holding her hand resting his head next to hers. The turian made his way across the room and pulled Kaiden off the chair by the rim of his shirt. The startled human grabbed the arm of his attacker and with the other formed a biotic sphere. As Garrus swung his taloned fist the biotic flung his biotics towards him sending both of them crashing to opposite ends of the room.

"I warned you! I told you I would kill you if you got near her!" Garrus stood up and rushed the biotic as he formed another biotic sphere.

The sounds of crashing alerted the staff and an alarm that could be heard all across the ward was triggered. As hospital security rushed towards the room, the turian came flying through the doorway. Startled, the security personnel activated their Omni-tools and deployed a wave of electricity stunning the turian on the ground. Cuffs were wrapped around the turian's wrists and the remaining security staff entered the room and walked towards Kaiden.

"Sir, are you alright? Do you need medical assistance?" Kaiden shook his head and wiped the stream of blood coming from his lower lip.

"No. I just need a moment. Thanks." Kaiden turned towards Shepard as he wiped the blood on his hands with his shirt.

Garrus, still under the effect of the electric shock, stumbled to his feet with the aid of the securities. He was mentally kicking himself for letting his anger control him. He shouldn't have behaved this way in front of Shepard, even if she wasn't aware. Now he would have to wait to see her. He would have to explain why he was there and who he was. Surely they wouldn't think of imprisoning him, all those humans owed him their life.

"It's ok. Let him go, Spectre authority." Garrus was dumbfounded. He couldn't rationalize why the human he had just attacked didn't want to send him away. Kaiden stretched his hand towards him and helped him up.

"I understand how you feel. I'll leave you alone with her." Kaiden rubbed his shoulder and exited the room.

It had been too long since Garrus had felt the commander's skin. He traced her hand with his talon, an all too familiar feeling of helplessness and angst plagued him as the memories surfaced. He wanted to lift her from her bed and take her far away. Somewhere they could get lost, just the two of them.

"Jane… I am so sorry. I should've been there. I should've protected you. If I had been stronger…" The turian couldn't take all the emotions and finally broke down. Tears streamed down his face as he placed her hand against his cheek. "Please don't leave me here, I need you!"

The turian's sobs could be heard across the hall. Kaiden knew the feeling all too well, he had mourned in a similar way when he had lost her years back. The turian composed himself enough to greet the doctor that had entered the room.

"Excuse me, Mister?" The doctor extended his hand.

"Vakarian, Garrus Vakarian." The turian extended his hand as he stood from his chair.

"Mr. Vakarian, I need to take Miss Halsey for a while. We need to repair all the damaged implants and have her undergo skin regeneration therapy. I understand she's Alliance correct? According to her file she has no spouse or next of kin so I will need some release forms from her commanding officer."

"I can sign." Garrus looked over the doctor's shoulder and saw Kaiden leaning on the door. That growl formed at Garrus' throat once again.

"Garrus, I'm a Spectre. Anything she needs will be provided for faster with my name." The turian was furious. He knew the biotic was flaunting his authority. He placed Shepard's hand back on her bed and stood up.

"Are you implying you are more important than me human? If you have forgotten who was the one that stood next to her 'till the end let me remind you." Garrus clenched his fists as he walked closer to the biotic.

"In Palaven that would matter, but were not there, are we turian?" The biotic formed a biotic sphere around his hand.

"ENOUGH! This is a medical facility and I will NOT have this behavior. Either you calm down or I WILL have both of you escorted out. Do I make myself clear?" The doctor walked past them and picked up the commander's chart. As the doctor browsed through the data pad a screech from the room startled them calling their attention. The commander had woken up and was convulsing in her bed.

"_Let me go! I have to save them! They're all dying!"_

The commander fought against her restraints and managed to snap them when a wave of biotic energy surrounded her body. The surge of power shredded the bandages on her face, it was terrifying to see the charred skin that had been concealed under them. Garrus stood in shock as he witnessed his lover's inner struggle, the expression on her face showed her desperation. The woman's expression changed when she turned to face Garrus. Eyebrows arched down and teeth peeked through lips, the face she made when she saw an enemy. By the time the commander jumped out of her bed the security staff were already entering the room. A biotic sphere formed around the woman's hand. She glared at them with hate as she lashed the energy towards her former team mate and lover. Kaiden fought against the commander's biotics and attempted to restrain her so the doctor could sedate her. Another wave of biotics knocked them back allowing the first human spectre to run towards the door. She tried in vain to get past the blocked doorway.

Garrus snapped out of his stupor and reached for the commander, managing to keep her in place long enough to allow the sedative to be administered. As the sedative made its way through her body, the commander turned to face Garrus, a gentle expression painted on her face. With her remaining strength she looked up at him and fell on his arms.

"_Make it stop… I don't want to hear them…" _

Garrus held back his tears and simply stood there with the limp body of the commander in his arms. He gently squeezed her before allowing the security staff to restrain her back onto her bed. He turned and exited the room as quickly as he could. He needed some time to process what was happening. Her chart mentioned the high possibility of post-traumatic stress disorder. All that his lover had gone through was finally catching up to her and he needed to come up with a plan to keep her safe. He was familiar with PTSD and he did not want the woman he loved to go through it alone. The turian regained his bearings and walked down the hallway and out of the hospital. As much as he wanted to stay by his lover's side, there were many arrangements he needed to make.

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A/N: I apologize for the delay. I started writing this the week of my birthday and my friends made me celebrate to the extreme. I'm back and still alive. I didn't feel too inspired writing this chapter (partly due to the massive amounts of alcohol in my system) so I apologize if it doesn't live up to previous or future chapters. I will try to update at a faster rate but no promises. Please feel free to review. I eat reviews for breakfast and they keep me going. Thank you all for reading.


	6. I Don't Know Me

Death of a Hero

Ch. 6

I Don't Know Me

Darkened, oily shadows blurred the horizon as she walked past a multitude of dying trees. All around she could see the faces of all those she had let down. They pointed at her, stared at her, blaming her for their deaths. The desperation within was rising. A chill crept up the woman's spine when she heard an unusual whisper. Her hair danced in the wind as she turned to face the source. She had seen the child many times before, except this time, another child was with him, holding his hand and smiling up at her. Her cyan eyes, her tan skin and dark hair.

_Mommy!_

Debris flew around as the woman's knees hit the ground. This was another familiar child, one that had caused her incredible pain in the past. Her laugh was soothing and incredibly sweet. A smile crept up the woman's lips as she stretched her arms towards her. The boy pulled the younger girl's hand and they began to run in the opposite direction. As desperately as the woman tried, she couldn't rise. She wanted to follow the children, protect them, but the fire that began to surround her glued her to the ground.

Jane slowly opened her eyes, allowing them to adjust to the dim lighting of the room. It took a while to process her surroundings but finally realized where she was. A burning sensation prompted her to bring her hand towards her face. Her fingers traced the edges of the bandages. She tried to recall the events that led her to her current location. Flashes of a firefight and a bright red beam came to her mind. She squeezed her eyes to block out the images to no avail. There were piles of bodies around her, like beacons marking her path. Her body felt heavy as she started walking and visions of a man with creepy blue eyes appeared in front of her. The words that emanated from his mouth were unintelligible. She didn't want to see this anymore, nothing made any sense. Was she still dreaming or where these images memories?

It was painful to move. Slowly she stood from her bed making her way to the restroom. She watched carefully as the bandages dropped from her face. The person looking back at her in the mirror was familiar yet strange at the same time. Trembling fingers traced the glow of the implant scarring on her face. It all seemed unreal to her, as if her body wasn't her own. She felt… Fake. Her face got closer to the mirror and she stared at the eyes that looked back at her. A sense of comfort washed over her as she stared into those cold, dead, cyan eyes. A face flashed in her mind. A man lay lifeless in front of her. She stared down at the body and saw those same eyes, empty and dead. A smile crept up her face as she saw the blood flowing from his body. A low, rough chuckle formed in her throat and she immediately placed her hands over her mouth to cover it. Why was she laughing?

_Because death is the only real thing…_

Startled she looked around to see who it was that had answered her. No one, she was alone. She looked back up at the mirror and the person looking back smiled at her.

_Everyone is waiting for you…_

She nodded and smiled back at the woman. Yes, death was calling and she needed to respond.

A/N: Small chapter but I needed to get this out. I've been losing focus on the story. I know what I want to do but I get frustrated that the words don't come out right. Thanks to all of you who are still reading and waiting. Also, are any of you participating in Extra Life? If not, please check it out. Play Games. Heal Kids. Be a Hero!


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